Running anyone?

So...night after night I set my alarm and tell myself "I'm going to run in the morning". The alarm goes off morning after morning I proceed to hit snoooooooooooze 101 times with just enough time to get up and ready for work. Hence NO RUNNING. Day after day I think to myself Darnit...tomorrow!  Well guess what .... TODAY was TOMORROW!

The alarm went off and guess what I hopped out of bed and threw on my running clothes. NOPE I actually hit snooze but only 1 time. I drug my happy ass out of bed put on my clothes dreading ever single minute. I grabbed Bear (my dog) figured he deserved a run because he was looking snazzy from going to the groomer yesterday.
Walked out into the crisp morning air I live in the Midwest and proceeded to do my C25K. When I was all done I was so HAPPY.  I felt GREAT which is exactly how I knew I would feel it is just the whole doing it thing that holds me up. I am SO ready to start my day!

 I also wore a snazzy new pair of compression socks. I bet you are thinking "who cares about socks" at least that was my train of thought but I found them on sale off of another blog I read and thought...how can I pass up a deal? I mean my FAMOUS last words are ... "But it was on sale" :) So back to these socks. I bought them off of a site called www.procompression.com they are simply awesome...and are helping with my calf pain oh did I mention they are PINK?!?

 I am sporting pink all month for breast cancer awareness month!   Oh and here is a good like to why you should wear compressions socks -- read it! http://www.procompression.com/why-pro-compression-socks

Have you heard of C25K? Couch to 5K supposed to take you from the couch to running a 5K. It works I used it last year and actually ended up running a 5K...a couple of them along with a couple 3K's. I was all bad ass thinking I was even going to attempt a 1/2 marathon. YEAH FREAKING RIGHT! Went on vacation and completely gave up the running thing. I love it--I hate it. I ALWAYS feel great afterward but once you fall off the horse it is hard to get back on. So I gave up proceeded eating and being unhealthy again and here I sit 20 lbs heavier but getting back on the horse.

So here I am ... a runner....I new runner AGAIN...but hey at least I'm running.

NEW LOW

So...I live in a basement now. How is that for throwing a wrench in the workout plans?

A FREAKING basement!

Granted this isn't the basement I live in but you get my drift---RIGHT?!?
Shane informed me he wasn't happy and wanted me to move out. WTH?!?

Background info: Came from a bad divorce drug and alchol atticted ex husband. Spent tweleve years of my life trying to fix him....that's what I do I am a fixer. I did finally have to throw in the towel because I finally realized there was no fixing the mess that had become my life.
I met Shane at my part time job. (Bartending) Nice guy. Him and his friends used to come into the bar about twice a month. They would tell me about their wives , work , etc. Months later Shane and his buddies come in and Shane is all down in the dumps because his wife had been cheating on him. His buddies were determined to have him drink away his problems (guy thing) so being the kind bartender I was I helped them out :) at the end of the night they took off to finish their bar hopping and I told them I'd see them in a few weeks.  Low and behold a few days later a lady from purchasing calls my office and says "I hear you got one of my friends drunk"? I was like "WHAT"???!!! I mean I'm now at my office job and it's a different enviroment and well I can't explain it but hopefully you understand. I walk out to my friends office and who was in there---SHANE. I was all thrown off ..... I just looked at him and said oh hey-turned walked out and went back to my office. Rude me...I just didn't want my two lives combined. Granted I was a good girl at the bar. I didn't flirt and people knew I was married etc. people just didn't know I was getting a divorce and the deal with my ex.  I was friendly but not over friendly understand?
So here is where it started. Shane would call for the purchasing lady ..... but sometimes I would happen to answer the phone and then we started to chit chat. He asked me out--I said no. I told him I was going through a divorce as well and just wasn't in the place to date. He understood and just said "well I'm here if you ever need to talk" months passed and slowly we would talk more and more. I would vent about things going on and he would give me a "guys" view of things. Even tried to see if there was a way to save my marriage and I knew there wasn't. He had brought in his new girlfriend and I was happy for him and we forged a friendship. Needless to say insert more months and a breakup of him and his gf and he asked me out again. Of course I said NO but we stayed friends....but now we did start hanging out. With the other guys in his group and their wives/ girlfriends. It was nice to have a friend. Time heals all wounds as they say and before long I realized I liked him ALOT. But I had built a fortress around myself and didn't know how to take it down. Over the last  4 1/2 years he has stood by me and honestly been a good guy. We did have one minor breakup for about six months but it was over him wanting another child and me being beyond that point in my life. He decided to go out and date which I had given him my blessing but he came back and said he loved me and couldn't imagine his life without me in it. Told me that his son and my two kids are enough family for him.  Now this---
.
HE was the one that kept pushing me and pushing me.  I just wanted to be friends in the beginning.  He pushed till it was more.  Then pushed wanting me to move in, telling me that I was foolish not to, etc.  So I  finally settle on the fact that he IS good for me and he IS what I need and want, and I moved in.  Even though I had promised myself I wouldn't move in with anyone again until after both of my kids were in college and or on their own. I went against my own damn rule. Because I listened to my stupid STUPID heart. So now I swear I want to punch his f’ing lights out for all that pushing and having it come down to this.

I simply don't get it...I don't understand....but I will survive. Just all sucks because I really believed he was my happy ever after