Running anyone?

So...night after night I set my alarm and tell myself "I'm going to run in the morning". The alarm goes off morning after morning I proceed to hit snoooooooooooze 101 times with just enough time to get up and ready for work. Hence NO RUNNING. Day after day I think to myself Darnit...tomorrow!  Well guess what .... TODAY was TOMORROW!

The alarm went off and guess what I hopped out of bed and threw on my running clothes. NOPE I actually hit snooze but only 1 time. I drug my happy ass out of bed put on my clothes dreading ever single minute. I grabbed Bear (my dog) figured he deserved a run because he was looking snazzy from going to the groomer yesterday.
Walked out into the crisp morning air I live in the Midwest and proceeded to do my C25K. When I was all done I was so HAPPY.  I felt GREAT which is exactly how I knew I would feel it is just the whole doing it thing that holds me up. I am SO ready to start my day!

 I also wore a snazzy new pair of compression socks. I bet you are thinking "who cares about socks" at least that was my train of thought but I found them on sale off of another blog I read and thought...how can I pass up a deal? I mean my FAMOUS last words are ... "But it was on sale" :) So back to these socks. I bought them off of a site called www.procompression.com they are simply awesome...and are helping with my calf pain oh did I mention they are PINK?!?

 I am sporting pink all month for breast cancer awareness month!   Oh and here is a good like to why you should wear compressions socks -- read it! http://www.procompression.com/why-pro-compression-socks

Have you heard of C25K? Couch to 5K supposed to take you from the couch to running a 5K. It works I used it last year and actually ended up running a 5K...a couple of them along with a couple 3K's. I was all bad ass thinking I was even going to attempt a 1/2 marathon. YEAH FREAKING RIGHT! Went on vacation and completely gave up the running thing. I love it--I hate it. I ALWAYS feel great afterward but once you fall off the horse it is hard to get back on. So I gave up proceeded eating and being unhealthy again and here I sit 20 lbs heavier but getting back on the horse.

So here I am ... a runner....I new runner AGAIN...but hey at least I'm running.

NEW LOW

So...I live in a basement now. How is that for throwing a wrench in the workout plans?

A FREAKING basement!

Granted this isn't the basement I live in but you get my drift---RIGHT?!?
Shane informed me he wasn't happy and wanted me to move out. WTH?!?

Background info: Came from a bad divorce drug and alchol atticted ex husband. Spent tweleve years of my life trying to fix him....that's what I do I am a fixer. I did finally have to throw in the towel because I finally realized there was no fixing the mess that had become my life.
I met Shane at my part time job. (Bartending) Nice guy. Him and his friends used to come into the bar about twice a month. They would tell me about their wives , work , etc. Months later Shane and his buddies come in and Shane is all down in the dumps because his wife had been cheating on him. His buddies were determined to have him drink away his problems (guy thing) so being the kind bartender I was I helped them out :) at the end of the night they took off to finish their bar hopping and I told them I'd see them in a few weeks.  Low and behold a few days later a lady from purchasing calls my office and says "I hear you got one of my friends drunk"? I was like "WHAT"???!!! I mean I'm now at my office job and it's a different enviroment and well I can't explain it but hopefully you understand. I walk out to my friends office and who was in there---SHANE. I was all thrown off ..... I just looked at him and said oh hey-turned walked out and went back to my office. Rude me...I just didn't want my two lives combined. Granted I was a good girl at the bar. I didn't flirt and people knew I was married etc. people just didn't know I was getting a divorce and the deal with my ex.  I was friendly but not over friendly understand?
So here is where it started. Shane would call for the purchasing lady ..... but sometimes I would happen to answer the phone and then we started to chit chat. He asked me out--I said no. I told him I was going through a divorce as well and just wasn't in the place to date. He understood and just said "well I'm here if you ever need to talk" months passed and slowly we would talk more and more. I would vent about things going on and he would give me a "guys" view of things. Even tried to see if there was a way to save my marriage and I knew there wasn't. He had brought in his new girlfriend and I was happy for him and we forged a friendship. Needless to say insert more months and a breakup of him and his gf and he asked me out again. Of course I said NO but we stayed friends....but now we did start hanging out. With the other guys in his group and their wives/ girlfriends. It was nice to have a friend. Time heals all wounds as they say and before long I realized I liked him ALOT. But I had built a fortress around myself and didn't know how to take it down. Over the last  4 1/2 years he has stood by me and honestly been a good guy. We did have one minor breakup for about six months but it was over him wanting another child and me being beyond that point in my life. He decided to go out and date which I had given him my blessing but he came back and said he loved me and couldn't imagine his life without me in it. Told me that his son and my two kids are enough family for him.  Now this---
.
HE was the one that kept pushing me and pushing me.  I just wanted to be friends in the beginning.  He pushed till it was more.  Then pushed wanting me to move in, telling me that I was foolish not to, etc.  So I  finally settle on the fact that he IS good for me and he IS what I need and want, and I moved in.  Even though I had promised myself I wouldn't move in with anyone again until after both of my kids were in college and or on their own. I went against my own damn rule. Because I listened to my stupid STUPID heart. So now I swear I want to punch his f’ing lights out for all that pushing and having it come down to this.

I simply don't get it...I don't understand....but I will survive. Just all sucks because I really believed he was my happy ever after

Life & Attitude

I've been doing alot of soul searching. Somethings I'd rather just turn my mind off than think of the what, when, where and how of the situations. I'm not the only one with a past but sometimes I feel as if I am the only one who can't move past mine. I keep one foot in front of the other hoping/praying I will prevail. So my life is a mix of messes right now. I really do believe the devil can get you down. Here I am making all these positive changes. I'm finally accepting love and believing I am lovable. I'm taking my new exercises classes and time for myself and then the bomb drops. I'm trying to let my son lead his own life (not easy) and just let him figure it all out. Not much unlike the rest of my life----don't take two steps forward because someone will throw you off of a cliff. I'm not stopping though---not this time. If Shane chooses to leave me ..... LEAVE. If my son chooses to have a relationship with a sperm donater that had NOTHING to do with him from birth....I choose to ACCEPT it. (This is a whole subject I've yet to blog about) If my daughter chooses to have a huge attitude and tell me how she can't wait for Sr. year to be over so she can move away. I will.just WALK AWAY. I'm not going to stop taking my classes I'm not going to feel guilty for doing things for myself. After all we are all supposed to love ourselves first right?  Don't miss understand I love Shane and would jump in front of a bus for both of my children. I have to put myself first for once. I have 10 months until my 40th birthday and I want to be healthy! Sure I want to be rocking some size 7 jeans too but most of all I just want to feel good about how I look and feel. I'm sick of starting diets and exercise and quitting. I'm sick of giving up on MYSELF. So I pledge today to put myself FIRST!  Today I vow I will not let my past or my mistakes hold me back. I am considering my FAT my past, my mistakes and my insecurities. So I am going to do my best to LET IT GO~ I read this quote and feel in love. It is 100% true. The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

Charles R. Swindoll quotes

Weekend bing

So....has anyone ever done this?

This was me around 6pm (Yes I said 6pm). I had this great idea to meet some people from work at the bar. I even talked another girl at work into going with me. So her and I ditched out of work thirty minutes early to hit the bar!

We walk in and it's all like a clip from the show "Cheers"  Really except add a few more girls to this mix.
I'm all depressed because of my melt down with Shane & work has been stressful and well LIFE!

So I'm all set to have a couple drinks which meant TWO and then go run errands and meet my friend for dinner. But instead this guy had a better idea-

I swear to the HEAVENS the bartender was pouring 3/4 with a splash of soda and me thinking I was a ROCKSTAR- Sure I may look like I am Lita Ford back in the day but ......LOL

Really I guess after I threw up a few times I even said "WHOO HOO I'M A ROCKSTAR"
Cute eh???!!! NOT SO MUCH! Don't skip lunch and think you can drink like a rockstar.

So my friend whom I was supposed to do dinner with came to the bar and I was TRASHED. She was nice enough to drive me home (SOBER) and I slept until 4am!

Let's be clear I know liquor doesn't solve your problems but......sure felt good for a few hours.

Saturday I had a wedding and I kept it simple with just a couple glasses of wine. Home by 10 pm.
Sunday still depressed in regards to Shane but.....flipped out like a nutcase on him. Started packing up my life and told him he better be damn sure this is what he wants because once I walk out that door I will NEVER come back. He asked me to give him a week....I've done things to piss him off and vise versa. We will see........I love him. I'm fighting for him. But I'm not going to stay in the ring for nothing.

My friend who I crapped out on Friday night came over yesterday. She was nice enough to drag me out of my depression and take Caitlin and I out for a burger and a couple beers- I was going to have a soda or water but they had a bucket special so I couldn't let her drink alone:

Anyway CHEERS to the FREAKIN' weekend!

Dark hair for a dark mood...or maybe just for fall

So I went off my rocker and dyed myhair a dark brown with some red undertone. I LOVE IT!

Kinda fits my dark soul right now as well.  Here is a picture of me in my STUNNING work bathroom :)

You spin me right round baby~

UPDATE: Spinning.....SUCKS! I hate it I have sweat in places I didn't even know I had. If sweat really is fat crying I think I murdered my fat tonight! Not to mention my ass is killing me already.....pray for me....I have six weeks of this to endure.

 

On an upnote the music was good....so I kept singing. OUTLOUD so everyone could enjoy this great terriable voice of mine :)

 

I am attaching a picture of my spinning bike from HELL!

Spinning - Love it or Hate it ?

Spinning update #2 (just cuz I know yall love my updates)
Sweat=LIKE CRAZY, class went by much faster tonight, teacher found new ways to inflict pain, music was good (until she decided to have an extended version of a song)!I think I may have a love/hate relationship going on with this class. On an upnote...I didn't die :)

Oh and guess what.... 15.8 miles Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat! I know shocked...I don't know if I have ever done 15.8 miles of anything!

Just because I figured nobody would believe me I quick took a picture. It' s kinda blurry but hey my legs felt like JELLO!

I guess I have the motivation.....I just lack the HABIT!

Excercise? What? When? Where? Boring?

So I've been trying new forms of exercise. Trying to stay focused on getting healthy and fit! Tonight I start a SPINNING class. I'm excited and nervous. Here is to hoping I can walk tomorrow! Oh and right before this class I have Yoga for 1.5 hours. My whole night is going to be a workout!

If you really knew me.... (stole from Mama Laughlin)

If you really knew me...

...you'd know I like the smell of lemons.

...you'd know have two kids Dylan (20) Caitlin (17)

...you'd know I have a grandson Braeden (10 months) from (Dylan)

...you'd know I've been divorced for ummmm five years now

...you'd know I have serious anxiety when it comes to messes in my house (including kids room).

...you'd know I go in phases of "on caffeine" and "off caffeine"- currently in an "on" phase.

...you'd know I'm NOT a cat fan.

...you'd know I can quote a wide spectrum of movies and often do.

...you'd know I talk about my kids and cuss way too often.

...you'd know I just wanted to be a lawyer when growing up. Well, really, my thought process was I had friends that used to get into ALOT of trouble figured this way I could help get them out of it :)

...you'd know I love my house to smell good I burn candles ALL the time.

...you'd know I could plow through a bag of any type of chocolate in a matter of hours.

...you'd know I have 1 tattoos and I would like at least 2 more

...you'd know I am new to this little 'ole blog and plan to get better and post more often but I fail .ALOT I really want to have TONS of follwers like MAMA does

...you'd know I have seen all of the Twilight movies and went to the first two with my daughter for the midnight premiere (life of a mom to a teenager).

...you'd know I'd leave my boyfriend for Adam Levine, or Matthew McConaughey.

...you'd know I often keep quiet even when I have something to say.

...you'd know I am a sucker for my children

...you'd know I did play softball for years...even slipped into 1st base once LMAO.

...you'd know I am a worried parent. I worry about shit that will happen 5 years from now.

...you'd know I drink wine often...but still not often enough

...you'd know I NEVER take pictures of myself. To my defense: I hate the way I look so why bother. ...you'd know I am trying to get healthy. I have recently joined some new workout classes yoga (love), spinning (hate) and I'm doing C25K.

...you'd know I'd LOVE to workout with Jillian Michaels in a heartbeat. Is it wrong I'd like her to kick my ass in the gym? I guess I just want her to show me what I am capable of.

...you'd know I usually only watch  TV at night in bed and I LOVE two shows DEXTER do you watch it? If not you should..I heart that serial killer. Also, TRUE BLOOD I think I want to be a vampire.I kid I kid..

...you'd know I don't hold grudges.

...you'd know I am a SUCKER for a man who makes me laugh.

Alright...Vacation time is going to happen. My honey wants to go away together. I have 87 days to battle this fat a$$ of mine!

Here goes nothing!

EPIC FAIL

Going so good and feeling so proud of myself. Step on the scale and see I'm dropping weight!

Then it happens-
I walk into work not one but two boxes of donuts....I can resist................no I can't I fail I grab a donut. Then of course I sit and sulk over the fact that I ate it. I am not going to lie I actually debated on going into the bathroom and throwing it up....what the hell is wrong with me! I didn't do this I just thought about it.

I then proceeded to think SCREW IT I suck I'll be fat forever. I go to Denny's and get a order of buffalo chicken strips with extra ranch, sprite and a slice of peanut butter pie (yummmmm) this was my lunch. I ate it so fast I don't think I even tasted it. Then of course more guilt and besides guilt I felt aweful. My stomach was aching.

Then it hit me....what are you doing? Sure you screwed up you ate a donut then you made it worse by having a horriable lunch. STOP THE MADNESS!  I proceeded to gulp down the water the rest of the afternoon and as soon as I got home I through on my workout clothes (t-shirt & sweats) nothing fancy. I grabbed my IPOD started the couch to 5K program and off I went. 2.25 miles in 30 mins! I made my fat cry...and I felt good..tired but good. Then as I rounded the corner to my house here comes my friend to see if I wanted to go for a walk with her and her baby. Every ounce of me wanted to say "No, I just got done working out I'm pooped" but instead I said "Sure let me grab a quick drink of water" I gulped down a bottle of water and off I went. We walked about 2.50 miles by this point my legs were aching. Arrived at my house and I felt great! GREAT! Yes, I screwed up my food but I worked out and had a good dinner.

My point. You make mistakes I didn't get fat because I make good food choices. But I have to learn to get back on the horse and hold tight to stay on.

This morning I made myself and my daughter a good breakfast and headed off to work FULL. There was still a half a box of donuts sitting on the table but I didn't care. I walked by them without even looking in. I filled up my water bottle and headed for my desk. Today I will try VERY hard to make good choices because TODAY is the only day I can control.

Lots of changes

So this week I tried VERY hard to eat well, drink lots and lots of water and of course RUN!
I did great. Two days of running one of those days I even took my grandson and pushed him in the stroller (that was tough) and I walked two days with the dogs. I had one bad night of eating (BF fault). I was really proud of myself though. Today (cuz I forgot yesterday) the scale read 212.6 yeah for me 5lbs! I know the weight won't continue to come off fast but this is encouraging.
I keep reading other blogs to keep me motivated even though they are all past the journey I am just starting.
If your reading this....YOU can DO IT!

Run baby Run

Alright so I've been talking the talk and today it was time to finally RUN it. First run in almost 8 months tonight. (insert minor shin splint) I'm not sure if it's all the weight I've gained (stress eater) but man i am out of shape! Mind you I have gained roughly 22 lbs since my heaviest point last year. WHO THE HELL GAINS THAT MUCH IN A YEAR!!!! I can almost double that if I go to what I had lost last summer.

Anyway I started my couch to 5K program again on my IPOD (third year in a row of starting) Third time is a charm?!? I feel more focused I feel like I know this is a LIFE change not just a summer one. I feel good about it this time something in my head is different.

My life is so *&%&^$%&* right now but I'm am going to use that as focus. Got on the scale today (I have been eating good) and guess what 212.2!!! Whoo Hoo!  (Pat on the back)

 

 

Running starts tonight!

I've been trying to get my mind right so I can start running again. You have to have some sort of focus to run. My life has been in such turmoil because of my 19 yr old son that I have been side-tracked.
Anyway I read this and thought I'd share:
RUNNER’S PERKS:Running improves your cardiovascular system, strengthening your heart and lunges
It lowers your blood pressure.
It’s convenient and affordable
It burns calories to aid in weight loss
Your body secretes mood enhancing hormones to fight depression
Running relieves stress
It also boosts confidence when you set, and reach, goals
Running helps smokers improve lung health and air capacity
It gives you a way to support various causes (Susan G. Komen, etc)
Runners may live longer because their heart beats up to 36,000 times less a year than an inactive person
by: Bonnie Pfeister

What do you have to lose?

There will always be reasons why you can't do the things you want to do. " I don't have time, "I don't know how to get started," "I don't have the motivation," "I don't have the money," How bad do you want it? There will probably be some sort of sacrifice to get it but you have to be willing to give to get. If it takes you years to accomplish what you feel you were put on this earth to do, will it be worth it? Yon won't know until you get past your "reasons" and give it your very best. 

What do I have to lose? Weight...I have to give this my motivation & time.  

 

Losing battle

I wake up every morning with good intentions. Really I do!
Like today I woke up packed a healthy breakfast and lunch. Then it happens, I walk into work and donuts. I try to be strong but I fail. I grab a choc. covered donut and head for my office. I eat it without tasting it. It's gone and then comes the guilt. Why did I eat it? I knew I had good food packed. I think about throwing up...then I think screw it I'll just keep packing on the pounds who cares. Then I remember I can do this! I will start again with lunch good choices. Push the water.
UGH----this is a losing battle in more ways than one. Losing lbs and Losing motivation and Losing focus alot. 
I am strong. I am going to do this....................for ME!

My son

When a grown child of yours starts to consume all your energy. When you LITERALLY feel them sucking the life from you.  What do you do? Do you let go? If it were a stranger or a friend you would probably walk away. But when it is your own flesh and blood how do you handle it?

I'm at such a loss emotionally today.

Today is the day.....today is the day I tell the world and maybe the first time I admit it to myself

So I left for vacation on March 31st and for some unknown reason I decided to step on the scale. Now why would one do this right before leaving on vacation? I have NO idea....my mind if full of mystery. I think it was one of those spur of the minute ideas and then as soon as you step on the scale you scream WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!?!?!

I had planned on getting on the scale as soon as I returned from AZ and decided that would be my starting point. Why? I don't know maybe so I could gain a couple more lbs and not feel guilty maybe so I could have one more week to just hide myself from the reality of  me being FAT. I haven't figured out how my mind works yet so who am I to guess.

One thing I do know is I am sad. Sad that every single year I say I won't get any bigger. Sad that I used to blame my ex-husband for telling me how fat I was so I kept gaining to piss him off. Sad that I think I continue to get fat to hide myself from some childhood sadness. Somehow I blame the fat like it is my prison. But who choose to live in this prison? ME! Why? I am happy (except for not getting along with my son--long story) I really am HAPPY. But inside I have some stuff to fix. I've known this for quite awhile. I started to fix it but then pushed it back into the closet so I didn't have to face it. The fact that a year ago I was skinner and running and most of all feeling good about myself tells me alot. Dealing with issues head on worked. Stuffing them in the closet doesn't.

Back to the scale 3/3/12 = 217.3 (YIKES) Biggest I have EVER been in my life.
and after vaction  4/7/12 = 217.8 (WHAT) that was my first reaction. I only gained .5 lb on vacation!

So earlier I said I don't know what I was thinking getting on the scale right before walking out the door on vacation. But you know what I think my mind knew exactly what it was doing. I didn't over eat sure I did indulge a bit. But I thought about most everything I was eating. I even suggested a hike to my family. I about died doing it but I suggested it and we did it. I hiked a mountain! (Small but still)

A year ago I was at 198 and I swore to myself I would NEVER let myself weigh 200lbs. I started running, eating right and just plain taking care of myself. I did two 3K's and a 5K and I lost about 24-27 lbs. Most of all though I felt GREAT! STRONG! POWERFUL! Sure I hated working out most days I had to drag myself out of the house to run or go to the gym. But when I finished I ALWAYS felt good. I can't explain it. It's a type of high....and I loved it. Then I let it slip I gave up on myself.

So here today is when I stop hiding in a closet. I stop thinking I can't do it.

Today is when I start admitting I need help. I start putting me first for once. Today I find the JOANNE I wan't to be the me I know I can be! Today the scale only goes down from here on out. I want to be healthy I don't want to be on medications anymore. I just want to be so much more than I am at this point. I know I can do it.

Mama Laughlin: Giveaway #8- The Silver Maple

Mama Laughlin: Giveaway #7 Winner & Giveaway #8- The Silver Maple

First let me start by saying I simple love love love this blog. Plus side she gives away GIFTS!
She makes me want to try again in this weight loss battle. I know you should just jump in with both feet but I feel like if I start a weight loss battle before vaction. I'll lose and be disappointed fall back into a slump and so on.
Anyway HAPPY FRIDAY! Vacation starting in roughly eight hours! (Insert singing choir)

Confession

 

I was pissed when I found out I was going to be a grandma at 38! PISSED!

Guess what I love that little guy.....he almost makes me wish I had another one of my own. Great part this grandma gig is I can love,cuddle, spoil and send him home :)

 





 

Is it Monday?

So I'm usually in bed by 9 pm I lay there reading and or watching tv for about 30 min and I'm asleep by 9:30 or 10. Well not last night....I couldn't sleep. I was up until about midnight. Went to bed back up by 3am (had to pee) fell back asleep and up again by 4:45 now mind you by this time I could have went ahead and sucked it up and started my day. Let the dogs out....let them in....feed them....let them out again and then proceed to get myself ready. But no not me...I thought I'd just try to fall back asleep for a FIVE MORE MINUTES. Have you done this before?...you know when the next thing you know it's 7:45 and your late for work! UGH! How is it five more min. in the morning equals three hours but when your at work and you look at the clock it's 1:30 look again in which seems to have been thirty min but oh no....it's only 1:31! LOL

Anyway I jumped out of bed tried to make myself beautiful without jumping in the shower. Thank goodness you can't see me because the beautiful part didn't really turn out.

I let the dogs out. I feed them. I try to get ready while they are eating. I go to let them out again and they ESCAPE! REALLY was all I could think....of course a few bad words came to mind as well. So here I am with my hair done, makeup on, pj pants on and chasing down the block after my mutts! Yelling at them that I don't have time for this shit today! (Cuz you know I think they understand me) Finally they run back home and run in the house to hide from me because they know they are in trouble!

Then I get in the car of course I knew I needed gas last night but why stop when I have time?Nope now my gas light is flashing and now to make myself even later I have to stop in get gas!

I ended up being over two hours late for work! Lucky they love me. I've been here for far to many years so the little slip up this morning can be overlooked of course I'll probably be here until 8pm. :(  Sad but true because I am the only one who works in my department. I have a love/hate relationship with this situation.

I've decided I am going to jump on this weight loss band wagon. I'm trying to not set myself up for failure though. I leave for VACATION (much much needed) this Saturday so I'm giving myself that week. I would like to add though that the friend I am visiting started working out about a year ago and unlike me she stuck with it. She is like a freaking workout robot now! SERIOUS! I'm sorta nervous because she wants to take me to some of her workout classes etc. If you don't ever hear from me again you will know that she killed me with the workouts. (just kidding)

Anyway as I lay there last night not being able to sleep I told myself I am going to post my weight on here. So on April 8th or 9th I will post a picture of my scale....NERVOUS! But hey that is why I decided to start this blog so I guess I better suck it up.

Here are my wonderful dogs that sent my out on a hunt this morning. Maybe they were trying to help me get in a morning workout?

Enjoy your Monday----I mean Tuesday ;)

Getting started

My name is Joanne. I live in the midwest. I recently started reading some blogs. Most are about weight loss which I need to do alot of :) But food and I have a Love/Love relationship. I was always skinny growing up but as the years keep coming so does the weight. I drop it and then it comes back to find me with it's friends. I was really motivated last summer. Joined a running club, ran on my own as well. Went to the gym and worked out at least 4 times a week. I ran a two 5K's and a 3K. I felt better than ever and was dropping weight. Lost twenty-seven lbs in three months! Then vacation came and excersise and motivation went on vacation too. I've been trying to track down that sucker motivation but he is in hiding lol. I've started taking walks looking for him though and I think I have spotted him a few times. Here is to hoping I track him down soon.....but for now at least I'm not losing breath walking anymore.

The blogs I'm keeping up with are motivating. I look forward the their post everyday. Check them out Mamalaughlin --- She will crack you up!  another good one is She keeps it real -- Priorfatgirl and one last one Finding Joy in the journey .

Maybe that is what inspired me to start this blog. I figure it is a way to get it all there and maybe just maybe I'll inspire someone the way I feel inspired by the blogs I read. If not...I guess I won't have many followers ;)

A little about me....maybe alot. I've been a mom my whole adult life. I had my son at the age of eighteen and my daughter at the age of  twenty-two. I became a single mom when my daughter was only four months old. I've always worked and provided for my children even when no child support was coming in. At times I worked three jobs (not fun) but I never wanted my children to do without. I wanted them to have structure and happiness and I was bound and determined make that happen. One of the happiest days of my life.....when my son walked across the stage on graduation day. I felt like I did it! I proved the world wrong . A teenage mom can raise a successful child. Does that make sence? My daughter although sometimes a smart mouth she has it together. She is on National Honor Society, Key Club, Club Volleyball, Softball and taking classes to get her CNA and she is only a jr. in High School! I often think she spreads herself to thin but she presses on. She is an achiever where my son needed more of a kick in the butt.

I am worried about her senior year approaching. What do I do with myself then? Sure I've always worked but my main job was my children. Running from sporting event to school event. I think we lived in the car for years. Softball, Football, Tumbling,Dance,Wrestling, Volleyball, Baseball....you name it one of them have done it. I get sad instead of glad knowing soon my last little birdie will be leaving the nest. I have several friends who have just started having children and here mine are almost grown.

The last year has been a pure test of motherly love with my son. After graduation he went away to college and did a GREAT job. I was shocked and of course happy! About a month before the end of his first year he came to me in tears. He was going to be a father at nineteen years old. I was DEVESTATED! I had fought so hard for so many years to give him the best and I wanted so much more for him. I knew the struggle of parenthood I'd lived it. I cried and I hugged him and said we would get through it and everything was going to be alright. After all what could I say? I think I was in shock. I was going to be a GRANDMA at 38 years old WTF was all that could come to mind. LOL

Needless to say my grandson is here and I love him to death. I am still trying to think of a better name than grandma....I just think I'm to young for that.

Things are not all rosey in my world though. I'll keep you posted.